For the past few years my father and I have been attending
the annual opening day at the Del Mar Race Track. It’s quite a spectacle
seeing all the women dressed up sporting their fancy and some very outlandish
hats. It’s more about the fashion show than the actual races. When
it comes to betting on the races, I have no idea which horse to choose, so my
strategy is to look at the horses while they circle the paddock before the
race. They are so beautiful! I look for the feisty one or something
that stands out, maybe even the unique name of the horse. I have no idea
about any of the jockeys, so they don’t factor into my decision.
Sometimes I’ll get an old pro chatting me up who ends up giving me a tip or
two. It’s all in fun and quite exciting cheering your horse on,
especially when it wins or places in the top three, even if I’m only winning 6
bucks, it’s still quite a thrill.
When I was younger, I will never forget when my father
took my brother and I to see the 1972 film ‘The Cowboys.’ I believe this
was John Wayne’s only film where his character actually gets killed. In
fact, Bruce Dern, whose character kills Wayne, was afraid everyone would
despise him for killing The Duke. A. Martinez was the young hot
stud in the film. Funny, many years later I had the opportunity of
meeting Martinez when he landed a role in the ever so popular soap, General
Hospital. I produced and directed the launch campaign of him coming to
the show. When I met Martinez I shared with him how much I loved
the film and so wanted to be a cowgirl, after that. He was so
surprised and I think quite impressed that I knew of the film from so long ago
and remembered his character. He told his experience of working with the
legend John Wayne and how he was a bit intimidated initially, but working with
him was such a privilege. Those were the years of movies when
westerns were the popular genre. I had dreams of owning my own
horse and riding skillfully as a cowgirl. Of course that never quite
happened. I’ve gone horse back riding a few times, but I’ve always been
so intimidated by them. I think because they are so big and have such
strength. Of course, they can sense my fear and take complete control.
Coincidentally, the same week of opening day at Del Mar, I
happened to watch the movie ‘War Horse’ and ‘Secretariat.’ The
latter film quoted the scripture in Job 39. It was so poignant the way it
was used in the movie. I was truly overwhelmed when I later looked up the
scripture and read it for myself. Job 39:19-25 Do you give the horse
his strength or clothe his neck with a flowing mane? Do you make him leap like
a locust, striking terror with his proud snorting? He paws fiercely, rejoicing
in his strength, and charges into the fray. He laughs at fear, afraid of nothing;
he does not shy away from the sword. The quiver rattles against his side, along
with the flashing spear and lance. In frenzied excitement he eats up the
ground; he cannot stand still when the trumpet sounds. At the blast of the
trumpet he snorts, ‘Aha!’ He catches the scent of battle from afar, the shout
of commanders and the battle cry. ‘War
Horse’ truly displayed the bravery and strength of the horse. I
don’t know why I was so touched by this passage of scripture, but I think
because I have such respect and awe for these beautiful creatures of God and
then to read how God created them with such courage. When you see horses
in the wild or how beautifully they are captured on film, they truly were
created to run.
I watched a program on PBS with Martin Clunes (Doc Martin)
where he traveled the globe and met with various horse whisperers and trainers
to learn how the relationship between man and horse began. They
taught Martin how to bond with a horse and basically let the horse know who’s
in charge. It was so incredible. Even Clunes was so moved by his
experience. How incredible to actually have a horse walk over to you, bow
it’s head in submission and become your friend. It was absolutely
breathtaking. I would love to have such an encounter. But,
what I found interesting is that one of the trainers said that he believes the
reason why horses run is because of fear. But, after reading Job,
it is quite clear God did not create his horses to fear, but to be fearless.
Proverbs 21:31 The horse is made ready for the day
of battle, but victory rests with the Lord.
Why do I bring all this up about horses? It made me
think that it is the same with man. God did not give us a spirit of fear, but
of power, love and of a sound mind (2Timothy 1:7). We too face battles
throughout life’s journey and like the horse, we have to be ready for the
battle but ultimately victory is in the Lord’s hands. For the past year,
my life has been one battle after another. Pretty much starting
with my car accident last October, when I was crushed between three other
cars. My car was totaled, but thank the Lord and his angels that I came
out of it in one piece. Isaiah 54:17 No
weapon formed against you shall prosper.
I’ve had so many attacks in various areas of my life, but the greatest battle
has been physical. I have always been such an active person,
physically in good shape and a strong spirit, but since a year ago, and now
fast forward to last month when I underwent spinal surgery, my life has changed
considerably. Thank the Lord my surgery was very successful, and
now it’s a time of rest to allow my body complete healing. After
surgery, I woke up in the recovery room. Now if you’ve ever been in a
recovery room, you’ll understand how chaotic it can be. I have such an
admiration for the nurses who attend to all the patients. They work so hard and
have so much patience. I don’t know how they do it. I was
scheduled to go home that same day, but due to the severe pain I was feeling,
they kept me in over night. I was in the recovery room all day and
was the last one to leave, once my room was ready. There was a
moment when everyone else had gone and I was literally the only patient left in
the recovery room. I was alone eating my dinner provided by the hospital,
and for a brief moment I truly felt alone. Tears were running down my
cheeks. It was the first time I actually cried since it was decided I
needed surgery, and usually I’m a big weeper. The nurse came over
and asked if I was okay. I just said I’m fine and I tend to get emotional
and it’s probably the medication. I don’t bring this up for
anyone to feel sorry for me or for any of my loved ones to feel bad that they
couldn’t be with me, because I did have family visiting, but it was in that
moment alone when I felt God’s presence and His love pouring over me. I
knew He was with me letting me know that I am not alone, and everything is
going to be okay. Of course, this made me cry even more, but these
were tears of joy and comfort feeling His presence. I thought to
myself, I truly don’t know how anyone can live this life not knowing our
Father in heaven. I don’t care who you are, but in this life we
will all face a time when we are completely alone, whether it’s after having
surgery, or perhaps in the hospital with a terminal disease, or going
home at night to an empty house and laying your head on your pillow completely
alone, or times when no one seems to be around to hang out with or just
to chat with over the phone, or you can even be in a room full of people and
feel alone. Whatever the case, a time will come when one feels
complete loneliness. This experience of mine being totally helpless
in the hospital, truly revealed to me that I will never be alone as long as I
know my constant companion, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is
with me always and there is a peace that, comes over you that gives such
comfort, especially during our times of weakness and loneliness. Hebrews
13:5&6 Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. So we say with
confidences, the Lord is my helper: I will not be afraid. It reminds me of that famous poem titled
“Footprints” when we only see two footprints, it’s not because God has left us,
but it’s then that He is actually carrying us.
I’ve had moments when I’ve asked God and wondered
why all this has happened to me. During this season of trials, the
message that has resonated throughout is for me to embrace this time of
fragility and rest in the Lord, because His word says for when I am weak, then
I am strong. 2Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for My
strength is made perfect in weakness.” and Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all who
are weary, and I will give you rest. Throughout all of this, I have been so aware of God’s almighty presence
and His strength and comfort on a daily basis. God is not the one who
inflicts pain and suffering. We have an enemy the devil and he came to
kill, steal and destroy our lives. It is pretty much guaranteed that
we will go through times of struggles, pain and hardship in this life, but we
can either choose to handle it on our own ability, which often fails, or we can
choose to take the hand of God and allow him to walk with us and carry us
through those difficult times. Another one of my favorite lines
from the film ‘The Count of Monte Cristo’ is when the Count is at a banqueting
table amongst his enemies, and makes a birthday toast to the son of his nemesis
and says, “Life is a storm my young friend, you will bask in the
sunlight one moment, be shadowed on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is
what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and
shout as you did in Rome, Do your worst, for I will do mine……”
I get so choked up inside whenever I watch this scene.
(Now, that’s the kind of advice every father should give their
sons.) But, isn’t that so true of life? One moment we are up
and the next we are down. I know, it has been for me.
This scene in the movie brings to mind the scripture Psalm 23 The Lord is my
Shepard I shall not be in want… verse 5 says: you prepare a table before
me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup
overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my
life… Now, that is God’s way of
justice and victory! How awesome is that!
Although, it hasn’t been easy times for me, I don’t
regret any of it, even having to go through surgery. God put me in the hands of
a greatly skilled surgeon, but ultimately God is my healer, and through this
experience it has made me so much more aware of God’s presence in my life and
that he is my strength and wants me to rest in Him, in the shadow of the
Almighty, so He can make me soar on wings of eagles and prepare me for greater
heights. Many have told me how brave I was to go through with
surgery, but it’s only because my faith is in the Lord. Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not
be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Psalm
34:4 I sough the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
He has guided me and comforted me every step of the way,
giving me nothing to fear because my trust is in Him. So, like the
horse who runs fearless in battle, we too, with endurance, must run the race
set before us keeping our eyes fixed on the prize, on Jesus, the author and
finisher of our faith. (Hebrews 12:1-3)
Psalm 147:10&11 His pleasure is not in the
strength of the horse nor his delight in the legs of a man; the Lord delights
in those who fear (in reverence of) him , who put their hope in his unfailing
love.
